okay, I’m a bit nuts right now. so I’m here to my first confession of my maniac’s self. i love boyband. and, umm.. I’m not sure when, but now I’m greatly loving these five dorks. I’m reaaaaally love them until the phase when I can’t find any words to explain how big is my love to them. nothing can compare to these adorable dorks. they’re just.. PERFECT.

they’re the thiefs that steals my heart♥

and sure, from now on, this blog is one of my props to trash the nosy flailing from me to them, there’ll be a lot, maybe spam? ♥♥ *runaway*

entah apa yang bakal kamu katain, entah apa yang kamu mau mikir tentang keputusanku ini aku nggak peduli. sekarang aku ada dikelas IPS. sendirian. temen SMP lain pada di IPA semua. aku ga peduli. walaupun kalian masih suka sok ngejaga omongan dengan bikin awkward situation ketika aku bilang aku dikelas IPS. aku ga peduli.

sekarang aku mau look forward. brand new world.

yang sekarang aku liat cuma masa depan, aku pengin banget kuliah disastra jepang, pengin banget ke jepang, pengin kuliah sampe S2, pengin masuk UI atau UGM. yang aku liat sekarang cuma itu. gak ada yang lain.

sekarang aku belajar buat diri aku sendiri. jadi gak usah ikut campur dan ngomong yang engga-engga.

aku bakal berjuang dengan cara aku sendiri, tanpa perlu aku kasih tau caranya kesiapapun. ini jalanku sendiri. JAMA SHINAIDE YO! >:D

’ｇａｎｂａｒｏｕ’　ｎｏ　ｋｏｔｏｂａ　ｔｔｅ，　ｓｏｎｎａ　ｋａｎｔａｎ　ｎｉ　ｉｗａｒｅｎａｉ　ｋａｒａ，　ａｔａｓｈｉ　ｗａ　ａｔａｓｈｉ　ｒａｓｈｉ　ｄｅ　ｈｉｔｏｒｉ　ｄｅ　ｊｉｎｓｅｉ　ｎｉ　ｔａｔａｋａｉｍａｓｕ．　ｄｏｕｋａ，　ｊａｍａ　ｓｈｉｎａｉｄｅ　ｋｕｄａｓａｉ．

ａｒｉｇａｔｏｕ　ｇｏｚａｉｍａｓｈｉｔａ～

ＧＡＮＢＡＲＯＵ　ＮＥ．　：）　ｓｏｎｎａ　ｋａｎｔａｎ　ｎｉ　ｉｗａｎａｉ’ｎ　ｄａｋｅｄｏ．

Pas awal-awalan mos tuh, pas dibagi kelasnya, banyak hal yang terjadi sih.. terus tiba-tiba aja JRENG aku udah dikelas bareng tiga celana ijo lainnya, fitrah, dena, udhat. Uwaah, masih inget banget lah perasaan waktu itu. Nervous banget, banyak banget hal yang aku khawatirin. Mulai dari “aku bisa bertahan hidup apa kagak disini” ampe yang hal-hal kecil kayak “kok seragam gw mule kekecilan ya?”. Pas pra mos aku sempet kaget dengan adanya event kak-komdis-yang-tiba-tiba-masuk-gebrak-pintu-bangsal, yang notabene gak pernah ada ceritanya di SMP dulu kayak gini. Pertama mikir, uwa, di smp hari pertama super dibaikin kali, kenapa disini hari pertama aja kayak udah mau diusir?

Pas habis itu tugas MOS buaanyak banget, pas lagi ngerjain si kakak tanya-tanya gimana MOSnya dan omongin sana-sini biar gak usah takut ama komdis, ngerjain tugas MOS ga usah niat-niat paling juga gak diperiksa, sampe kalo mau ditunjuk ato dimarahin bikin muka yang gak menonjol biar gak jadi dimarahin. Yaudah aku yang baru lulus SMP (terus?) ngeiyain aja.

Pas hari pertama MOS, entah itu tanda-tanda takdir ato apapun itu, paginya pas mau ambil tugas di tas, tepatnya lokasi nya di depan gerbang sebelah utara (apa selatan deh, lupa) gunting keramat itu keluar dari dalem tempat pensil yang lupa aku tutup. Dan tragedi berdarah itu pun terjadi. *deng deng deng*

Jari tengah tangan kiri aku keserimpet gunting. Waktu itu pas ngeluarin tangan dari tas darah udah netes-netes, ngenain baju ngenain lengan. Bodonya aku cuma bengong dalam waktu beberapa detik, sementara darah udah ngalir ampe sela-sela jari, sampe temen sebelahku tereak-tereak panik liat darah segar dari tangan orang bego yang satu ini.

Aku langsung diseret ke UKS saat itu juga sama escort padahal masih jam setengah tujuh pagi dan koridor sekolah yang masih asing itu masih lumayan sepi. Terus langsung cuci tangan dan mba escort itu (my gratitude to my MOS’s escort : kak gandhita) dan mba escort itu kesana kemari cari anak PMR dan aku langsung ditangani (kayak apa banget).

Pertamanya ditawarin jangan ikut upacara dulu, soalnya tadi darahnya netes banyak banget jadi mesti anemia. Tapi aku nolak (sapa sih yang mau tinggal di UKS sekolah yang baru aku datengin sehari pada jam setengah tuju pagi?) dan milih ikut upacara aja. Setelah diyakinin ‘beneran gak papa dek? Serius dek?’ aku dianterin ke lapangan lagi.

Temen yang baru kenal pada nanyain aku gak kenapa-napa ato kenapa-napa. Sementara temen seSMPku malah mandangin aku dengan pandangan ‘dasar bego salahnya naroh gunting keluar-keluar gitu”.

Tapi setelah itu MOS berjalan cukup lancar, dengan sangat sukses aku nyuekin komdis dengan mp3 player yang tersembunyi di balik krudung *pis*. Tapi MOSnya lumayan seru kok, beneran. Apalagi pas hari terakhir MOS, anak OSIS bikin drama MOS yang ketua OSISnya dibikin kayak super hero gitu. Tiba-tiba datang gitu. Terus yang pada awalnya mereka marahin anak baru malah jadi konflik intern di depan. Kita aja cengo doang liat pertengkaran yang emang kliatan dibuat-buat itu dari barisan. Eh kalo udah gak marahin kita, bertengkar aja di tempat lain kek. Di lapangan kek, di sungai kek, kita capek berdiri nih. Habis itu baksos, pas baksos tuh, aku mulai ngerasa comfortable aja disana. Temennya baik-baik banget~

Terus aku mulailah, having everyday bareng-bareng sama X4. Walaupun aku bukan anggota aktif, Cuma sekedar jadi pelengkap dikelas itu aja, soalnya aku emang tipe orang yang bisa ngomong topik-topik tertentu aja. Lagipula jujur aku belom terbiasa ama cowo ya, soalnya 3 taun aku sekelas absen 1 ampe 30 nama cewek semua. Tapi lumayan kok, gak cewek gak cowok baik-baik orangnya. Nyaman aja disitu. Kadang sekarang kelas sebelas ini masih mikir aja ga rela aku ngelepasin kelas itu~ =|

Walaupun kita sering dicap jadi Most Dame Class, tapi bagi aku sendiri, mereka orangnya asik-asik banget. Gak ada rasa awkward yang berlebihan lah dikelas ini, tidur dikelaspun adalah ritual biasa bagi orang seperti aku. Haha. Asik lah pokoknya~

Tapi sekarang pas kenaikan ini, kita misah. Bahkan ada anak yang pindah skul. Jujur, pas tau dia pindah kaget juga. Kenapa dia pindah sih? Sampe sekarang juga aku gak tau. Mandan kecewa juga si, soalnya gimanapun juga ya, deket ga deket, dia temen sekelas. Tapi dia ga pamit-pamit waktu pindah. Pesenku buat dia cuma satu, take care of yourself wherever you’ll find the ‘new’ us. J

Tenth four. Archuleta. Fantastic Four. X-4.

Thank you for this one year. I’m having a verrry great time with you, guys. It’s a bit sad to be separated from you all, but i’m sure we’ll find our own light to reach our own dreams with our own way. Thanks for becoming my great memories. *bows*

Sekarang nama saya ganti.

Yang tadinya Lailia Nur Safitri. X-4/19,

Jadi Lailia Nur Safitri, XI IS 1/17.

Silently the snow, just as if it were you,
falls gently upon my shoulders, and silently smiles
If I were to touch it with my hands, it would surely disappear
So just like this, alone, I close my eyes and feel you

I can’t stand for this! >.< this piece of lyrics is very touching. this lyrics is telling us about the sacrifice of a man that loves a woman, but if he tell his feeling to the others, he scared that their current relationship will be broken. and he decided to burn his feeling by himself and not telling the others about that. it feels like a snow, when we touch it, our body’s heat will melt the pieces and it’ll gone. but if we just see it and don’t touch it, it’ll be there.

you hid your tears behind your faked smile, pretended to be strong.

no matter what kind of our days we used to spend,

if we keep believing in this time, one road will surely begin for us.

the moment when we find kindness, I believe that will lead us to happiness.

It feel like, if we talked with each other happily with laughter,

we could walk by a little more.

I want to tell you how much I feel grateful,

I want to send this feeling, gently to where you are.

even we’re apart by a far distance, the memories will lead us for the future.

when I close my eyes, I can feel the season where we used to spend together,

because we are sharing the same memories, today too,

a little warmth gently encounter with us.

you bring many important things alone,

even now, I remember how I’m letting your hand go,

without saying anything I wanted to tell you.

I want to say thank you one more time, to show you how many gratitude of me towards you,

I want to say it clearly by your side, once more again.

I know we can’t go back to yesterday, but I’m letting it go as I pray quietly for tomorrow.

when my hands reach out, I open the door in the season you’d left behind.

because I can’t help but missing you, I’m sure today I’ll keep thinking of you.

the day we meet seems like grows further away by a seconds,

but you still live one, always in my heart.

I want to tell you how much I feel grateful,

I want to send this feeling, gently to where you are.

I know we can’t go back to yesterday, but I’m letting it go as I pray quietly for tomorrow.

because I can’t help but missing you, I’m sure today I’ll keep thinking of you.

when I close my eyes, I can feel the season where we used to spend together,

because we are sharing the same memories, today too,

a little warmth gently encounter with us.

eniwei, saya mau cerita banyak ni. ga ada gunanya si emang, saya cuma pengin rambling gejeh aja. hmm, enaknya dari mana dulu ye? dari hal yang seneng-seneng dulu aja deh. eh, emang saya punya hal yang saya senengin sekarang? duh jan, mulai deh monolog.

karena saya gak pengin mbicarain UKK dan semacemnya, tinggalin aje ye. saya mau cerita tentang makrab kemaren aja. okeh. okeh.

MAKRAB.

jadi kemaren tu makrab, lumayan seneng loh. langit malemnya terang, bulan bintang berkeliaran. mandan gejeh si makrabnya, kalo bisa disimpulin, tu makrab kayak gak ngapa-ngapain. cuma bangun tenda, solat, makan, nonton felem, api unggun, tidur, makan, beberes tenda, pulang. ga ada kegiatan spesifik gitu. akhirnya saya merasakan rasanya tidur di rerumputan. pegel, dingin. ngerasain dah rasanya menggelandang dilapangan kayak ape. jadi respek ama orang orang yang tidur di jalanan. pas nonton felem tuh saya samsek ga nonton. ngantuuknya amit. saya milih tidur di rerumputan aja tanpa alas apa-apa. ngadep atas sambil karokean sendirian, ga keras-keras si. soalnya udah kebiasaan dimana-mana dengung-ndengung nyanyi gejeh, pelan tapi suaranya. sambil liat sekitar. atas bawah depan belakang samping. leh orang pacaran tok isine lah. mandan malesin.

akhire saya tiduran, pasang hetset, ndengerin lagu. aih, surga. walo di tengah tengah lapangan. abis itu buka opera mini, baca fanfict. trus ngeliatin bintang, gatau mikir apa. merenung dengan sangat gajelasnya saya di tengah lapangan. pas api unggunan saya udah tepar. ngaaaantuuk nyaaa. peduli amat ama pramuka yang dasa darma geje itu. saya udah nguaantuk, penginnya balik ke tenda, tidur nyenyak. happi ending.

pas pramuka yang mandan nyebelin tuh satu ini,

SAKIT KEPALA.

udah beberapa hari ini, hampir seminggu kalo ga salah, saya didera sakit kepala yang sangat-sangat tidak menyenangkan. sakitnya ada disekitar dahi di deket mata. dan pindah pindah, nyerriii banget. kalo bangun tidur apa lagi, bener-bener dah, ampun sakitnya. kira-kira kenapa ya? ga sembuh sembuh gilaaa. takut aja kalo ada apa-apa.

oiya, saya mau nulis sesuatu di post lainnya. tentang sesuatu. jadi ini segini aja deh. byebye~

well, this kind of feelings happened on many people. they asked themselves, ‘is it a dream? or it’s just the time running so quickly?’ and I am the one who feel it, clearly.

time is running so fast. too fast, until I don’t realized it properly.

I’m in Highschool. highschool-life.  an unknown world to me. a world filled by many stranger around. confusing, sometimes boring. it’s like yesterday when I was wondering about how is a highschool-life look like. and now I’m bored and a little disappointment filling me for thinking like that.

time is running so fast. I’m almost passing the first semester now, and I don’t have a real happiness in this semester. I wonder why. although it’s slightly fun, but I didn’t really feel so, umm, what is it? enjoying it? aih, whatever it calls.

this semester, I have countless forced smile and random tears. ne, I’m not so crybaby like that, but, I don’t know, don’t know how and don’t know why, it fell without I noticed. many heart-breaking and regrettable things around. never stop, never ending. It aches me. I feel like, if many things around me always happened like this, I’ll be a heartless person soon. because it’s like, it tore me to pieces. it feel so wrong. how can I bear into this? tell me the way please.

I want to be honest so badly. I want to tell my feelings easily. but life is never be what you want to be. it’s simple things, but not as simple as to say it. when I confess  it, it always hurt some people around. I don’t want to hurt them, but what should I do? many things goes so uneasily to me. I want to tell them I feel uneasy when I punched by heart-breaking things. I just want to tell them, but many thoughts forced me to not do it.

what should I do? many times I warned my self to ‘don’t be so loud to say your feelings, it will be much trouble for the others’ or many things. but I can’t do it! I know it will be bothersome, but you know I’m also a human! not an artificial intelligent or so others, I’m a human, I’m a human who can be as selfish as the others, can cry like many people did, Oh God, please, I’m tired. I’m tired for all of this..

let me being so selfish just for now. I’ve tried to promise to not being selfish and stay quiet in my place. but it’s enough. give me a break for this tight life.

I know Highschooler, ___many people said, it always FUN. but for me now, it haven’t fun, YET.

Nee, Michi, you’re highschooler now. Highschooler is stronger than Middleschooler, right? so, be STRONGER please. you can. you must be.

You are a Innocent Uke!

Cute and sweet, and most gentle of all uke, whips and chains are not for you – you just want someone to love you. You are often spotted in candy shops wearing furry kitty ears, where you are sure to be noticed by the Romantic Seme, whose protective instincts will kick in and will only want to take you home and love and protect you. And you, of course, will be more than happy to spend the rest of your life baking cookies for your seme.

Most compatible with: Romantic Seme

Least compatible with: Sadistic Seme, Don’t Fuck With Me Seme

What seme or uke are you? Take the experience at SemeUke.com, or get seme/uke merch..

HAHA. saia emang lebih suka innocent uke, mereka cute~~

mungkin kalau saia tes psikologi sekarang saia bakal dikeluarin dari sekolah, karena saia sedang gila gilaan! HAHAHA. *menjelajah situs semeuke lebih dekat* KIKIKIKIK *ketawa hiruma ala mode* *ditendang ke luar angkasa*